There are many women who are "waiting" on GOD for their GOD-appointed husbands, and while this may be admirable, it can also be error. The general mindset for waiting women is: I'm ready for my husband. I'm just waiting on him to find me. Such thinking comes from a common mindset found in women, and that mindset is: Every relationship I was in that failed was the fault of the man, so therefore, I am just waiting on that one man who will appreciate what the last man didn't appreciate. Here's the thing: That last guy (and every guy before him) got with you because you had a void, sin, or a lack of understanding that opened the door for him to enter into your life. This means you were NOT ready to be found by your GOD-appointed husband, thus the reason you ended up being discovered outside the will of GOD by the wrong man. In other words, you do need a change of heart after all.
A lot of women end up waiting for years upon years for their designated husbands because of their ways of thinking. They refuse to change their minds, but instead, expect GOD to send a man into their realm of thinking to find them, and this sort of reasoning proves that many women in waiting do not truly know GOD or how HE operates.
Let's think of our mindsets as street addresses. GOD has given your husband a specific street address to pick you up at, but if you're nowhere to be found, that man can't find you. You may be praying, fasting, and shouting out praises to GOD and still be in error. How so? Because you are not where GOD has called you to be. Instead, you're somewhere trying to barter with GOD, offering up your celibacy as a down payment for your husband, and there's a problem with this. Being celibate (or whatever you prefer to call it) is your reasonable service (see Romans 12:1), meaning, it's not a bargaining tool. Instead, remaining pure is what's required of you to establish and maintain a relationship with GOD. After all, without holiness, no man (or woman) will see GOD. So, what do you need to do to petition Heaven for your husband? It's simple: GOD sends mates (husbands) to helpmates (wives) when the wives are prepared to help them. Being cute, curvacious, and witty won't qualify you for the man of GOD. You need to be able to help him with something, and that something isn't just relieving himself sexually. So, the question is: Are you preparing or just waiting?
Believe it or not, the average woman is just waiting because she thinks she's already ready, therefore, she's not doing anything extra except adding more layers of makeup to her face. Let's go back to the street address analogy. Let's say that GOD not only told you to be at a particular address, but HE told you that HE would pick you up and take you there; nevertheless, every time HE shows up for you, you're not ready yet. You're still in the house watching television, changing your clothes, changing your hair, but you refuse to change your mind. So, GOD reschedules the pick-up for another date, but every time HE shows up to take you where you need to be, you're nowhere to be found, even though you keep calling Heaven and telling GOD that you're ready. Can you imagine how frustrated you'd be if you went to pick someone up who'd called you and said they were ready, only to sit outside their houses while they were cooking and watching television inside? What if you called into the house and told them you were outside, and they kept asking you to come in the house and carry them out of it? How frustrating would that be to you? That's what a lot of women are doing to GOD. They're saying that they're ready, but when GOD looks for them, they are nowhere in HIS will. To make matters worse, they keep trying to get GOD to carry them into HIS will, rather than just obeying HIM. Obedience is better than sacrifice. What are you sacrificing by disobeying GOD? You're sacrificing your chance to be found by the man GOD has appointed for you, and more than that, you're sacrificing your chance to let GOD minister to other women of GOD through you. You can't just wait on GOD, you have to be in the will of GOD. You have to be in position to be found. At the same time, you can't change your life or mind for the sake of getting a man. Instead, everything you do, you must do for the LORD and to better your own life. The truth is: You can't be found if you're not ready.
One of the most amazing things GOD said to me was that my husband is at a specific height (place) in HIM. He has a certain degree of wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, but if I'm not able to meet him where he is (or even close), he wouldn't recognize me as his wife. I'd just be another woman who he's physically attracted to, but not spiritually attracted to. So, what am I to do? It's simple. Seek more wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, but do these things for the LORD. You see, when we do these things for ourselves, we can't be found by our mates because we have the wrong mindsets in regard to marriage. James 4:3 reads: Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts (KJV). The NIV translation reads: When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
That's the reason so many women end up waiting for decades. They have absolutely no clue as to what marriage is or what it entails. Instead, they think marriage is about themselves and getting what they want, instead, of giving GOD what HE requires of them. Promising to be a good wife isn't enough because marriage, in itself, is ministry and must be done for GOD! Marriage isn't about unlimited sex, countless kisses, and having a two income home. Marriage is about coming together for the sake of the gospel! GOD gave Adam a wife and called her a helpmate, but this tells us that she was there to help him with something. She was to help and accompany him in his GOD-appointed assignment, but instead, she hindered him because she let the devil cause her to think that she could be like GOD, and therefore, not need HIM. Do you really think that GOD would send a man to you if the enemy is in your ear and you're listening to him? No. GOD will send your husband to you when you are ready to be found and not a minute sooner.
So, how does one get in position? Below are five tips to help you position yourself to be found by your GOD-appointed husband.
- Seek ye first the Kingdom of GOD and all HIS righteousness and everything else will be added to you. I know I hammer that scripture into every post and message, but there's no getting around it. You have to seek GOD more than you're seeking a man. Better than that, you can't seek a man; instead, you ought to be seeking GOD and learning to not only be in HIS will, but to stay in HIS will.
- Close every door GOD has told you to close. For most women, these doors are usually the doors their friends and loved ones are using to come in and out of their lives. You have to close those doors once and for all, and stop trying to find a way to justify keeping someone around that GOD told you to let go of. Think of it this way: If your heart were your hands, and your hands were busy holding onto someone else, you wouldn't be able to receive what GOD has for you since your hands are currently full.
- Stop dating every man who calls you pretty. Jumping up and down every time a halfway decent-looking guy looks at you usually means you're full of voids and dependencies, and you're looking to men for validation. This means you aren't ready to be found, but should instead, be found reading your Bible more. When you're ready for your husband, GOD will bless you with the confidence you'll need to bypass every charming snake who hisses at you as you pass by.
- Ask GOD to show you where you're out of place with HIM. Sometimes, we sin because we simply don't know we're outside the will of GOD, but the wonderful news is we can ask the LORD to show us our strongmen. Once we see what's holding us back, we can lay that burden on the LORD and leave it there, if we so desire. For example, if your strongman is a lack mindset, you can ask the LORD to change your mind, and also, ask HIM to show you books and materials that will give you the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding you'll need to secure the change.
- Make sure your life and home are in order! I can't tell you how many single mothers I've come across who have disorderly children, for example. Their houses are always messy, the children are always loud and disorderly, and they're always yelling at the top of their lungs. Do you really think GOD would send an anointed man of GOD who needs his peace to function into such a chaotic situation? No way! Remember, peace (a sound mind) is a blessing from GOD, and anything that comes against that peace is outside the will of GOD. Your home (children included) needs to be in order, otherwise, you're not a helpmate, you're a woman in search of help. Your finances need to be in order, your life's goals need to be in order, and you should already be a blessing to yourself and those around you. One of the most alarming truths for many women is: It's great to be seeking a blessing, but you've got to first be a blessing to receive one.
Finally, please note the following:
- Taking countless photos and uploading them to Facebook, Pintrest, and other social media sites won't help your husband come faster. Instead, this will work against you, because the men on your social media pages will notice how determined you are to receive a compliment and be in a relationship, and many will reach out to you and invite you into sin with them.
- Repeatedly telling the world that you're single and waiting won't make him come faster. Again, this will only show others how desperate you are, and set you up to be pursued by countless counterfeits.
- Posting up pictures of the food you cook won't make him come faster. I know it's an added perk to be a woman who can "get down" in the kitchen, nevertheless, GOD doesn't care about your homemade pecan pies or your deep fried chicken. HE cares about you...period. HE wants you in HIS will pronto.
- Smiling at every guy who passes you by won't make GOD send your husband any faster than HE was planning to, but instead, could put you behind schedule since you're working overtime to find him yourself.
- Changing your hairstyle, makeup, or clothes won't make the man of GOD find you any faster. Know this: You're beautiful enough for your GOD-appointed husband as you are, but for the men who aren't appointed to take your hand, you do need a few adjustments to make you look like the wives they should've been seeking or the wives they've left behind. Sure, your husband will appreciate seeing you dolled up, but more than anything, he'll appreciate seeing the real you because that's the you he's designed to cover, protect, walk with, and love for the rest of his life.