Getting Over "Him"

Every woman has that one man who stood out from the rest; that guy who set the stage for every relationship she's entered.  He's the one that she's compared all of her past, present and current interests to, and amazingly enough, he's the one who hurt her the most.
For one woman, he was her first lover; the man whom she'd sacrificed her virginity to.  For another woman, he was that hardened rebel who'd seemingly opened up his heart to let her in.  To someone else, he was that overly sensitive guy who'd introduced her to his entire family, publicly proclaiming that she was the wife-to-be.  Regardless of who he was to you, you have to get over him.

Most women want to be found by their GOD-ordained husbands; that goes without saying, but most women still have those "hims" that they have to get over.  They are still in love with or mad at some of the men from their pasts, and because of this, they aren't ready for what GOD has in store for them.  How do you know that there is still a man in your heart that you need to get over?
  1. You're still mad at some man because of what he did to you.  Unforgiveness means that the soul tie is not only still present, but you let the sun set on your wrath.  The Bible says where there is strife, there is every evil work.  The Bible always warns us not to let the sun set on our wrath, so we won't give place to the devil.  In other words, don't let your heart become Satan's residence or hotel room.  Whatever he did to you, he did because that was what he had in his heart.  This may sound (or read) cruel, but it's the truth...Get over him! 
  2. You're still waiting for some man who's hurt you to get his "come uppings". One of the most common things I've heard women say in relation to some ex who's hurt them is, "He'll get it back."  Sometimes, women say this five and ten years after those relationships have ended!  The truth is: If he's repented to GOD, he's free.  You're the only one still stuck in the past trying to right a wrong.  He may never get his "come uppings"; then again, if and when he does "get it back", the Bible says that you are not to rejoice.
    Proverbs 24:17-18: Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: Lest the LORD see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him.
  3. You're still hanging out with your ex's family members, and you don't have kids with him.  Now, this is where a lot of soul tied toes gets stepped on because most women will attempt to justify such relationships by saying things like, "Just because he and I aren't cool anymore doesn't mean I can't hang out with the family" or "I knew them before I knew him".  Now, in the cases where an ex-lover claims to have known the family beforehand, the truth is oftentimes: She knew them beforehand, but she didn't hang with them or call them often.  Now that the relationship is over, she uses her aforementioned knowledge of the family to justify attempting to stay in good standing with the family.
  4. You refuse to get rid of the gifts and notes he's given you.  "I like this ring, so why should I get rid of it just because he was stupid?!"  Sound familiar?  Such thinking is oftentimes the evidence of an unsevered soul tie and a woman bound by unforgiveness, and led astray by blind hope.
  5. You use your kids to justify holding on to him, or you use your kids with him to hurt him. Anytime a woman uses her kids to stay close to or retaliate against the father of her children (or any man, for that matter), that woman is still in a soul tie with that man.  She may not admit it, but she still wants to be with the ex, or in some cases, she doesn't want the man, but she doesn't want anyone else to have him either.
  6. You're cyber stalking him on social media.  So, you're trying to justify going on his page just so you can talk about whatever posts or pictures he's put up.  The truth is: Once you're over a man, you're over him, and you won't even think about cyber stalking him.  You shouldn't know anything about your ex's life unless the two of you have children together, and the information that you've sought after has everything to do with the safety and benefit of your children.  See number 5.
  7. You're mad at his current or ex-girlfriends or wives.  Now, if you ask most women why they are mad at their ex's current or previous lovers, they'll claim that the women did something to them or their kids, when in truth, they're simply jealous of their relationship.  You have absolutely no right to be upset with his past or present lovers...period.  It doesn't matter if those women played the mistresses and aided in the destruction of your marriage or relationship.  Whenever you forgive someone, you are simply saying that you are moving on.  When you refuse to forgive, you are simply saying that you refuse to move on.
  8. Every time you see him, you bring up the past.  You saw him at your cousin's birthday party, and he was trying to be friendly with you.  But every time he said something to you, you talked about something he did to you.  That's the evidence that a soul tie is still present and you have not forgiven him.  Let it go!  How you view and address a man reflects where that man is in your life.  If he's behind you (history), you'll let whatever he's done be a lesson for you, and you won't bring it up to him unless it's absolutely necessary.  If he's still in your heart, he's still presently with you; albeit, not physically.  If he's still present in your heart, he's not a part of your past, he's a part of your present and possibly your future.
  9. You still get butterflies in your stomach when you see him.  When you're over a man, you're just that: over him.  But anytime you feel something whenever you're in the presence of an ex-lover, you're still locked into a soul tie with him.
  10. You absolutely must look your best if you know you're going to see him.  Again, when it's over, it's over.  When you're truly over a man, you won't care how you look to him; if anything, he may be that one man who you could look your absolute worst around and still not care.  Now, some women will try to justify wanting to look their best when they come into the presence of their ex-lovers, and the most common justification is: I just want him to see what he missed out on.  As if he cares.   The truth is: When you're truly over someone, you won't put too much thought, time or effort into appealing to them in any way.
  11. You still let him call you, even though he's moved on.  Now, you say that the two of you are friends, but the truth is, you're simply looking for a way back in.  If you have children with him, of course, you will have to communicate with him for the children.  Needless to say, some communications are nothing more than attempts by one or both parties to hold on to what's left of the relationship.  Even if he hasn't moved on, he should not be calling you, unless, again, you have children, and the communication is strictly about the children.
  12. You're mad at me for something I posted in 1-11.  When a woman's not ready to let go, she will lash out at anyone who tells her the truth.
I get it.  You'd planned to marry "him".  You probably picked out your wedding dress, and you prayed day in and day out for that guy, only to have him run off with the church's secretary.  You forced yourself to be nice to his not-so-nice mother, and you passed up an opportunity to go to your sister's wedding just so you could spend time with him.  And then...after all you'd done, it was over...just like that.  All of your invested time, money and sacrifices are now painful and expensive lessons.

Here's the thing.  You absolutely have to get over him.  I know that it's not easy because there are no medications on or off the shelves that you use to sever soul ties.  There are no time machines to take back what you've given or said.  There are no empathy officers around that could go out and arrest your old beau, and lock him up until he's understood what he took you through.  You simply have to move on and get over him...period.  You have to release your past in order to grab a hold on your future.  GOD won't send HIS sons to pursue married women.  Make no mistake about it: If you're not over someone, chances are, you're still married to them through a soul tie.

Getting over him is important because he's been the foundation of many, if not all of your relationships.  But how do you get over him?
  1. Admit that you need deliverance.  Confession is the first step to being set free.
  2. Ask GOD to deliver you.  GOD said that ye have not because ye ask not.  
  3. Stop letting your current friends keep you in the past.  Sure, your bestie may think she's doing a great thing by telling you about your ex and his current lover, but she's not.  Instead, the enemy is using her to keep you bound.  Tell your friends that you are not interested in your exes and their lovers/ wives.  
  4. Take it one day at a time.  Sure, you're probably thinking that there's no way that you can truly get over him, but you can.  Each day, make a new declaration and live in play mode, not rewind.  Don't think about tomorrow, next month or next year.  Just take it one day at a time.
  5. Snuff out those old dreams you'd had with or for him one by one.  One of the hardest things to do after a breakup is to breakup with your plans, but you can't move forward if you're holding on.  Every time an old dream or plan rises up in your heart, pray against it and speak against it.  GOD has better plans for you.
  6. Create new dreams.  You probably haven't met your GOD-appointed husband yet, but that doesn't mean you can't dream.  Think about the things you really want to do, and ask GOD to bless you to do or achieve those dreams with your GOD-appointed spouse.
  7. Get rid of the gifts he's given you, and get rid of everything that ties you to him (except the kids).  You'd be amazed at how something as small as an old t-shirt could hold a grown woman in the captivity of a soul tie.
  8. Take down those imaginations with the WORD of GOD.  If you're still in a soul tie, you'll find yourself having mental conversations with your ex, and in those conversations, you'll tell him just how wrong he was when he did whatever he did.  Or you may tell him how sorry you are for doing whatever it was that you did.  Those imaginations are binding.  Remember, bondage occurs in the mind.  Cast down those imaginations and keep speaking the WORD against anything that attempts to wage war with your mind.
  9. Ask GOD for understanding.  Some women never get over their past lovers because they don't understand what happened to cause those relationships to end.  They still feel at fault for the destruction of those relationships, or they likely don't have all of the answers they think they'll need.  Sometimes, the answers are simply not answered because it's none of our business what happened to cause those relationships to end.  That's because the answer is oftentimes not the real answer.  Let me explain.  Let's say that your ex left you for another woman.  For you, the adulterous relationship caused the destruction of your relationship, but in truth, there was another underlying issue that you did not see, and that issue was spiritual in nature.  It may go beyond your understanding, and that's why it's good to ask GOD for understanding.  All the same, if HE tells you to just move forward and not worry about yesterday, do what HE says. 
  10. Redirect your focus.  All too often, women stay parked in certain mindsets, and because of this, they stay at the level that they were in when they'd met their exes.  This makes them still accessible to their exes.  If you want to "get over" the guy, you need to elevate your thinking.  You do this by reading and meditating on the WORD of GOD, and by daring to dream at higher levels.


  1. Hi Sis, your ministry is a blessing. May you continue to increase in GODLY wisdom, insight, and understanding to meet the needs of your own life and the people you serve. May I please ask that you do some posts or videos about how to be free from masturbation, lustful thoughts, etc.? I broke soul ties and got deliverance (casting out demons) from my pastor. My eye gates keep messing me up. I tell the Lord to change my heart and I try to denounce sexual desires. But honestly it's really hard when my monthly comes up.
    Thank you and God bless you.

  2. Thank you for this, Tiffany! This is something I could certainly return to often. I admit though, it is still a little confusing when there were a lot of great reasons/signs that we are/were meant to be together and would complement each other well and are led to the same type of ministry, which is unusual to find for me. What do we do with that? When it simply seems like the other is blinded to it since he had all these pre-conceived notions of how he was going to meet his wife, yet I fit what he was praying for and he fit what I was praying for in a mate. This is where I get a little confused as to whether to keep letting go or praying for him to see..?