Friday, July 24, 2015

When a Woman Tries to Tame Her Man


There are billions of men in this world and not one of them is perfect.  As a matter of fact, every man comes with his own set of issues, and it goes without saying that every woman comes with her own set of issues as well.  Nevertheless, when God has changed us, renewed our minds and released us to be found by our God-ordained husbands, it is because He has cleaned us up and determined that whatever issues we have won't be severe to our marriages or our relationship with Him.  Sometimes, He will use our spouses to point out these issues, and if we are wise, we will take our problems to the Lord and let Him deliver us from them.  If we are foolish, we will become combative and refuse to make a change.

Men and women are different; that goes without saying, but the average woman does not understand this fact.  Instead, we often (unintentionally) try to feminize our guys.  We want them to be more sensitive, more emotional, and express their feelings more, and this just isn't the way men are created.  As a matter of fact, anytime we come across men who are more "girl-like", we label them as metrosexual and we'll quickly place them in the "friend-zone".  It is a man's design, strength, confidence and logical thinking that attracts us to him, but when we don't understand gender roles and responsibilities, we'll try to tear down whatever we feel is wrong with our guys.  In other words, we would emasculate them, and then, we'd lose respect for them because it is difficult for a woman to be romantically attracted to a man who behaves, thinks and reasons like a woman.  This means that we (as women) don't always know what we want with our guys, and that's why we'll talk for hours about a problem we feel is affecting our relationships.  Oftentimes, the problem is we are being brought outside of our comfort zones and being made to understand a creature unlike ourselves, and this change scares us.  To stay in our comfort zones, we'll often try to encourage our significant (or insignificant) others to reason, think and behave in a way that we can relate to.  God created men to be strong, logical and discerning.  He created women to be gentle, practical and understanding.  God uses women to help men see life from a different set of eyes and vice versa.  He made us in a way where we have to depend on one another, making us stronger when we unite as one force with our spouses.  Just as He wants men to search for understanding in regards to women, He wants women to seek understanding about their male counterparts.  This helps us to open our understanding and it helps us to be better help meets for the husbands God has chosen for us.  Satan, on the other hand, encourages us to see and combat the differences we see in our spouses, instead of loaning them our strength in areas where they are weak.  Satan knows that if we were to figure out the roles and strengths we have as women, as well as better understand the roles and strengths men have, we'd enjoy some of the most Godly, happy and stable marriages.  Satan knows that such marriages would be indestructible, and of course, he doesn't want that, so he encourages indifference; whereas, God encourages us to appreciate our differences.  When a woman does not understand the roles of a man, she will attempt to break or tame the man, and this is ungodly behavior otherwise known as witchcraft.

I was browsing the internet one day when I came across a video of a woman who had tigers as her pets.  Of course, like yourself, I've often wondered why people bring wild animals into their homes, and then, attempt to humanize them.  Some people will take animals that have not been domesticated, and will provide those animals with their own beds, custom knitted tee shirts and the luxuries we enjoy as humans.  They'll even provide the animal with plenty of food and affection, and they'll think the animal is better off than it would have been if it had been living in its natural habitat.  What many don't understand is the animal is wild and prefers to live in its natural habitat.  By attempting to humanize the animal, the misguided pet owner robs the animal of some of the things it instinctively enjoys; for example, providing a tiger with meat it didn't have to catch isn't doing that tiger any favors.  That tiger enjoys the thrill of the hunt, and that's why home-fed tigers often turn on their owners.  Their instincts tell them that they ought to be hunting, nevertheless, the human who is holding them against their will is attempting to override their instincts with human reasoning.  You'll notice that whenever a wild animal attacks its owner, many of the owner's loved ones and neighbors will talk about how much they loved that animal and how much they did for that animal.  That's because, again, they are attempting to attach human reasoning to an animal led by instincts.  They are basically saying that the animal is ungrateful.  It's an animal!  The same goes for broken women.

Whenever we are not ready to be wives, we will find men who look tameable and attempt to tame them.  As women, we often see the potential in the men we are romantically linked to, and then, we will work overtime trying to bring the potential out of our men.  I always tell women that we often date and marry two different men wrapped up in one person.  We marry and court the men we imagine our lovers can be and we marry and court who they really are.  For example, let's create a character named Amber.  Amber is a woman of God, but she's married to a man she met at a party by the name of David.  David isn't a man of God, but he has went to church with Amber a few times, plus, he's memorized a lot of bible verses because his grandmother used to read the bible to him.  David loves the secular life.  He loves to party and hang out with some pretty raunchy characters.  Amber, on the other hand, likes to go to church and Amber's friends are what David refers to as "uppity" or "boogie".  When David looks at Amber, he sees the wild, party girl she once was and that's who he'd fallen for.  When Amber looks at David, she sees the potential in him to be a settled, Godly man who shares her interests in self betterment; after all, David can quote scriptures and he is a very intelligent man.  Amber sees the potential for greatness in David, so she works hard at getting David to change his ways.  David is loyal to the mindset and the neighborhood he's from, and to him, Amber's desire to remove herself from the mindset she grew up in makes her a traitor and a wannabe.  To David, Amber's friends are a bunch of women who think they're better than the people he likes to be around, and he believes they are what's wrong with Amber.  To Amber, David's friends are a bunch of promiscuous thugs and criminals, and she believes they are the culprits behind David's desire to do nothing with his life.  David spends the bulk of his time trying to live his life, but Amber spends much of her time trying to change, or better yet, tame David.  As time goes on, Amber becomes more and more desperate to see a change in David, and because of this, she becomes more manipulative.  Some of Amber's tactics have grown to include:
  • Yelling at David.
  • Crying about David.
  • Throwing emotional tantrums in front of David.
  • Complaining to her friends about David.
  • Complaining to David's parents about David.
  • Complaining to her parents about David.
  • Complaining about David to anyone who will listen.
  • Complaining about David to David.
  • Giving David's friends the cold shoulder.
  • Giving David the could shoulder.
  • Comparing David to other men.
  • Withholding sex from David.
  • Asking David to sleep on the couch.
  • Physically assaulting David.

Amber attempts to justify her behaviors with her intentions.  (Sound familiar?)  "I just want him to be a better man," she says.  "He's really a good man underneath it all.  He just keeps trying to impress his friends, and I'm getting tired of him listening to them and not me.  I just wish his friends would disappear off the face of the earth."  In Amber's mind, it is David's friends who are blocking the change she's trying to make in him, but that's not true.  David is who David wants to be, and Amber is who Amber wants to be.  Both individuals cannot cleave to one another because they are unequally yoked; plus, Amber's ways show that Amber needs a renewed mind herself.  Nevertheless, because Amber frequents the church house and has better plans for her life than David does, she has trouble seeing the plank in her own eyes.  She doesn't realize that David is a human being, and as such, he cannot be tamed or trained.  Anytime an individual tries to force a change upon another individual, that person is operating in blatant witchcraft.  After all, God doesn't possess us or force us to change; instead, He invites us to salvation, but it's up to us as to whether or not we will accept His invitation.  God doesn't force us to change because doing so would go against His design for us.  He made us in His image, meaning, we don't just look like Him, but we have the ability to operate like Him.  He gave us will to exercise freely and He gave us the ability to choose between good and evil.  Of course, our choices will determine our forever homes.  God didn't give us instincts like He gave animals, but He gave us free will.  Of course, sin makes people behave and reason like animals because sin feeds the flesh, and the flesh likes the comforts of repetition.  An adulterer will commit adultery time and time again because his flesh is leading him.  An adulteress will return to her adulteries because she is a slave to her flesh.  A fornicator will repeatedly fornicate because his flesh will rise up against him and begin to burn with desire until he quenches it.  A liar will become a compulsive and habitual liar because one lie requires a thousand lies to cover it up.  Such strongholds cause people to stay within the confines of what they know and it causes them to repetitiously repeat the sins they are bound by.  This means that sin is a mental prison that causes its inhabitants to become stuck in ungodly mindsets and eventually self destruct.  Amber couldn't change David, and by trying to force a change upon him, Amber constantly went outside the will of God, thus giving Satan permission to repeatedly attack and rob her.  It goes without saying that David and Amber's marriage will likely fail because their house is divided, therefore, it will not stand, plus, they are not cleaving to one another.

Most women drive themselves to the brinks of insanity by getting with ungodly men, and then, trying to change them.  Because the enemy once twice convinced me that I could change a man, I truly understand why women who are unequally yoked to unsaved men are so passionate about getting their husbands to change.  But, at the same time, I'm now outside of that old mindset and in a place where I can clearly see how silly (and ungodly) it is for a woman to try to change a man.  Anytime I'm counseling a married woman who keeps going on and on about who her man is and who she wants him to be, I have to repeatedly remind her that the men she is speaking of are two different people.  She's married to who her husband is, but she's desiring another man.  She's desiring who her husband has the potential to be and this is unfair to him, regardless of how ungodly he is.  God knows the potential in a man because He put it there, but He doesn't force that man to reach his potential.  Women who marry men, and then, try to tame them always end up practicing witchcraft (oftentimes, unknowingly).  Again, manipulation is witchcraft.  Trying to take a man's will away is witchcraft.  Trying to scare, seduce or entice a man to change is witchcraft.  Rebellion is witchcraft, and the large majority (99.9%) of women who end up with ungodly men did so because they were either sinners when they met their guys or they were operating in the witchcraft of rebellion.  The reality is....many women in the church today enter sin in their attempts to find and nab husbands, but after they secure their guys with marital contracts, they begin to chisel away at these guys' minds in their attempts to change them.  This is blatant witchcraft!  It's no different than a 40 year old woman meeting and marrying a 15 year old boy, and then, complaining about how immature he is.  You cannot find your own man, and then, attempt to grow him up in the Lord!  That's why it's absolutely imperative that you allow God to change and hide you so that your God-ordained husband can find you.

You can't tame a man.  You can't change a man.  You don't have the tools to fix the cracks in a broken man's soul.  Sure, just about every man you meet is going to have the potential to do great things; after all, he was and is made in the image of God, but this doesn't mean that he will do great things.  Many men with the potential to be kings, priests and mighty men of God will die in shacks, allies, or in crackhouses because they chose sin over God.  They had the potential, but they didn't tap into it!  There are men of God who realized their potential and they still turned away from God!  Look at Solomon.  Solomon was a king who had wisdom like no other man, but Solomon turned on God and began to worship the gods (devils) of his many pagan wives.  David realized his potential, and like his son, he was king, but he risked it all to have Bathsheba.  Thankfully, David repented, but if you follow his story, you'll find that David repeatedly messed up.  Judas had the potential to be a great man of God, but he sold his salvation for thirty shekels of silver.  Samson had strength like no other man and he had the potential to do even greater than what he'd done, but Samson gave his strength to Delilah.  "Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings" (Proverbs 31:3).

The point is...there are men out there who have the potential to do even greater things than David, Solomon and Samson combined, but many of these men will never realize their potential because they are shackled by sin or restrained by the comforts of familiarity.  Just like God, you will see their potential, but there's nothing you can do about what's in them.  They have to give themselves to God through the act of their own will.  They have to want to be changed, and then, they have to act upon that desire to be changed.  Faith without works is dead!  All the same, there are great men out there who have the wisdom, wealth and the good names that most men only dream of having, and those men will throw it all away for sin.  That's the reality we live in!  Nevertheless, it is not your job nor is it my job to find a broken man and try to fix him.  Our job is to point such souls to Jesus, but to never romantically link ourselves up to them.  If you marry a broken soul, he will break you until you finally acknowledge that the Word of God is true.  You will come to the realization that being unequally yoked is no different than trying to mix oil with water.  You will come to realize that a house divided will not stand.  You will come to understand the principles of sowing and reaping, so if you sow sin in your attempts to get a man, you will reap a sinner and every devil that comes with him.  If you go against the Word of God and try to find, marry and change a man, you will reap a valuable and painful testimony behind your choice.  You cannot tame a man!  He's a human being!  Wait on God for your God-appointed husband who God has scheduled to find you in the appointed season.  There are many women out there who have the potential to do great things and the potential to marry God-fearing, strong, faithful men of God, but just like men, many of these women will never see the light of happiness or realize their full potential.  Instead, they will waste their strength and potential on ungodly men, and they'll spend every waking moment trying to change those men.  These women have the potential to do better, but they foolishly berate their men for not realizing their potential.  They see the potential in their guys to do better, but they are blind to their own potential.  This means they are the blind attempting to lead the blind, and they have successfully attracted to themselves what they really are.  God's pick for you is far, far better than any man you would have chosen for yourself, but it takes faith and understanding to wait on God for His chosen one.  It's up to you.  Will you wait on the appointed one to come or will you find your own guy and try to use your untamed tongue to tame him?  If you choose the latter, please know this: Attempting to tame a man is like going into the wilderness for an extended amount of time.  You will be exposed to the elements and you can survive if you have the proper tools, but you will not take the wild out of the wilderness.  You should never go into the jungle expecting to tame a wild animal, but you can, however, expect to be changed.  If you get with the wrong man, you will be changed by that experience.  You will be changed for the better if you take the wisdom behind it, and that wisdom is...you cannot change a man!  You will be changed for the worse if you begin to become what you have exposed yourself to. 

10 comments:

  1. My God. Anointed, anointed, anointed. Such wisdom. Praise God. I wish more people could read this

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  2. I have read many of your articles and watched your YouTube videos. There is one question that has always came to mind. If I am to wait on God for my husband, and my God-ordained husband never gets in the will of God, does that mean I will never marry or will God just send another? That would need I am a rib from multiple men. Please advise.

    Thanks,

    Talene Y Davis

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    1. Hey..I had that same question too sis! But I realize that God knows the past and future of a man..he knows who will come to him and those that won't. So God will chose our husband base on his knowledge above our knowledge.. and ways higher than our way. God know best..and I trust him wit my life an future. Hope I helped :-)

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    2. Sister Katherine is right. God is not in the dark regarding you or your husband's future. He chose him for you because he know that he would get in His will and so would you.

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  3. Well said!.. anointed word sis. :-)

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  4. Really great post!) I've known many interesting things like after reading https://kovla.com/blog/guys-20s-want-women-40s/ . You can read it too 'cause you'll find many useful facts!)

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