After the tragic passing of Dr. Myles Munroe, I found myself watching some of his videos. Truthfully, I had heard about Dr. Munroe, but I had never heard him speak until after I heard of his passing. After listening to a few of his teachings, I immediately understood why he was so renowned. He was definitely full of wisdom and his style of preaching left you wanting more. But there was something he said in one of his videos that made me think. He said that he and his wife didn't argue. Wow! That wasn't the first time I'd heard a man say that he and his wife had never argued or hadn't argued for years. Truthfully, I'd met a few people in my life who were over fifty years of age; people who'd said they'd never argued with their spouses or they hadn't argued with their spouses for decades. They'd learned to respect each other so much that they refrained from arguing.
Now, I know the whole concept of not arguing with one's spouse seems a little far fetched, but I know it can be done. Needless to say, it takes two GOD-fearing people who respect each other to carry out such a feat, and of course, they need GOD'S help to do so. After all, we will have differences of opinions with our spouses, but it's how we respond to those differences that determine how they affect our marriages.
After hearing Dr. Munroe's message, a thought (desire), plan (intention) suddenly came to me: I don't want to ever argue with my husband....when GOD sends him, of course. That desire hit me in the depths of my belly and immediately became a passion. My heart started to dance at my "renewed thinking" and I began to revist how I'd once imagined marriage.
When I was younger and in the world, I used to imagine the fights I would one day have with my husband. I imagined passionately arguing with my spouse; I imagined crying, and I imagined my husband, after having said some pretty mean things, apologizing to me and declaring his undying love for me. We'd then make up and the marriage would be much stronger because we'd survived each other's words. Of course, when I was in that mindset, I was a hurting woman; therefore, I pretty much anticipated my husband hurting me, and I imagined how we'd deal with his betrayals. Now that I'm saved and my mind has been renewed, I no longer see fighting as an expression of love; I see fighting as an expression of selfishness, pride and an unwillingness to acknowledge one's own faults.
Knowing what I want in a marriage has given me more than a desire to wait on my GOD-appointed spouse; it has given me the passion to wait for him because he is not my ultimate goal or purpose...GOD is. My ultimate goal is to serve the LORD and do all that HE has placed me in the realm of the earth to do. My purpose is my assignment, and my husband is a part of that assignment. I am assigned to him, and I am commanded by GOD to submit to, honor and respect him. And because I understand this, I understand that I must pursue the knowledge of how to overcome any mindset that would prohibit me from being the servant and wife that GOD has created me to be.
Some of the most important questions we can ask ourselves (as it relates to our future spouses) includes, but are not limited to:
- Why do I want a spouse?
- Am I currently willing to submit to my husband and let him take the lead?
- What are my conflict resolution plans for my upcoming marriage?
The Latin word for "passion" is "passio" and it means "to suffer." We know the word "passion" to be directly linked to our emotions, and it denotes a powerful or strong desire to do, complete or perfect something. The truth is: We have to die to our flesh, and this death of self brings about a suffering, and this suffering is often the result of a lack of understanding, dependencies, and fear of the unknown. As we die to self, we find ourselves grabbing onto new understandings and new knowledge, and once we have embraced a renewed mind, we let go of old thinking patterns because we can see how they've affected our lives. So, to passionately wait for your spouse means that you endure the self-inflicted suffering that accompanies your seasons of singleness. You bypass the feelings of inferiority, self-pity and anxiousness to embrace GOD'S plan for your life; meaning, you want what GOD wants for you more than you want what you want for you. But of course, in order to passionately (strongly and determinately) await your GOD-ordained spouse, you must first know what you want and expect from your husband. If what you want does not match up with what GOD wants for you or HIS son (your husband), your mind has to be renewed before GOD will release you to be found by your husband. To passionately wait for your spouse, you have to see every opportunity that arises for you to enter into a relationship as a flight. If you get on the wrong flight, you're going to go in the wrong direction and find yourself countries away from your intended destination; therefore, you can't entertain any and every man who says "hello." You have to wait for the husband that GOD has sent for you, and you must have the desire and the determination to be with him, and him only.
One of the reasons many Christian women have trouble waiting for their GOD-appointed spouses is because of idleness. The average believing woman has a routine that she follows day after day, and this routine allows her to enjoy hours upon hours of "me-time" (idleness). Of course, this pattern can and does affect one's wait.
Think of it this way: The earth is an airport, but the will of GOD is the gate that you must go to if you want to catch your flight. Your flight is the plans of GOD for your life, and your destination is the purpose that GOD has given you. As of today, you are walking around GOD'S airport (earth), but the question is: Are you at the right gate? Are you at the wrong gate because you want to ride next to the cute man who's heading in the opposite direction? Do you really think you can convince him to turn his flight around? Or are you still trying to figure out which way you need to go to get to your gate? If you're not in the right place, you will lose your flight, and if you get with the wrong man, you're gonna go a long ways in the wrong direction, only to find out that GOD'S flight plans for you didn't change.
Some years back, I was returning to America from Germany, and I had a connecting flight in Amsterdam. The plane that was to take me from Germany to Amsterdam was late, and I was a little stressed because the layover time between flights was less than an hour.
When I finally arrived in Amsterdam, I grabbed my carry-on bag and ran as fast as I could to my gate, but to my horror, my plane had already left. I stood at the empty gate with my stomach in knots. Anxious and afraid, I went to the ticket desk and spoke with one of the attendants there, and she told me that I would have to spend the night in Amsterdam because the next flight to my destination was leaving out the following day. I was horrified; so horrified that I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as the attendant excitedly told me about the perks of losing a flight. The attendant was polite and handed me a voucher to stay in a five-star hotel, but despite all the perks, I wasn't prepared mentally or physically for an overnight stay, so I wasn't in the least bit happy.
Amsterdam is a beautiful country and the hotel itself was something out of a fairy tale, but my luggage was on a flight back to America; I had my monthly visitor, and I didn't know a soul in Amsterdam. I wasn't in the best of moods, and all I could seem to focus on was the fact that I'd lost my flight and I had no one with me to enjoy the country. I made up my mind that I could not and would not enjoy my stay there, and because I'd taken on a negative mentality towards what was actually a blessing in disguise, I didn't enjoy my stay there. The airline provided me with rooming accommodations at a five star hotel, and there I was sulking! The airline provided me free dining at the hotel's five star restaurant, but there I was sulking because I had no one to share the experience with! I made the worst out of what could have been a good situation. I looked too hard at what I didn't have to the point where I lost focus on what I did have, and that was the opportunity of a lifetime. I had a free stay in Amsterdam overnight with room, board, food and entertainment! The point is: I had to wait to get to where I wanted to be (USA), and even though my flight was delayed, it wasn't denied. Even though I wasn't fully prepared for the overnight stay, I should have taken that time to enjoy Amsterdam rather than complaining and crying about a situation that I could do nothing about. The same goes for you. Sure, you may feel like "the wait" is a problem for you, but why spend your seasons of singleness crying and complaining when this beautiful earth has so much to offer you? Why wait to do the things with a man that you can do on your own? When you learn to enjoy life as a single woman, you will learn to enjoy the wait, respect the process and get the most out of your life as a single woman. After all, one day, you will be married and some of the things you can do alone, you won't be able to do while you're married.
Don't just wait for your GOD-appointed spouse, get in your purpose so that you can really learn to enjoy your life as it is today. In other words, you must be unmovable and determined to be found by the one man whom GOD gives HIS blessing to. Get out and see the world, enjoy your life and challenge your fears. Stop imagining some man coming in to witness your one-woman show when you've got nothing to show but flesh. Give your husband something to look at. Show him wisdom. Show him knowledge. Show him understanding. Take this time out to learn more about yourself, get new hobbies and get delivered from old mindsets. Don't do like I did and make the worst out of a beautiful situation. Take this time to reconcile your whole heart with GOD. Look for any areas of your life that you are turned away from GOD, and seek reconciliation with HIM. There are so many experiences that GOD wants to give you, but you've got to be passionate about your wait. You've got to have your mind made up that you won't marry any man unless he's the man whom GOD has given permission to have your hand.
Nowadays, I look at life differently. I dine by myself; I plan to go on dinner cruises with myself, and I plan to just enjoy my life because life does not start when a man comes.....I'm alive now! And I intend to get the most out of this life because tomorrow is not promised to me, and I encourage you to do the same. Learn to enjoy your own company, and it is then and only then that a man can fully enjoy your company as well. Get passionate about the wait and don't allow self-pity and anxiousness to slither into your mind. Enjoy your days with your first husband: CHRIST JESUS and let the LORD see you enjoying HIS company Monday through Saturday and not just Sunday mornings.
Yeh i'm gonna go holiday by myself and enjoy my life and stop moaning and waiting around!!
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