Sunday, November 2, 2014

12 Things Women Usually Say To Their Ishmaels

If you're currently in a relationship with an Ishmael, you will more than likely delete the cookies and browsing history on your computer to ensure that Ishmael does not see this post.  

You're sitting there and trying to think of something to say to get Ishmael to change.  Ishmael is watching television, and doesn't really want to be bothered, but you want to talk; only, you don't know what to say, so you sit there quietly trying to think of any words in the English language that you haven't used on him yet.  Maybe there's a point you haven't made; an angle you haven't explored. Ishmael senses that you're about to start another fight in your attempt to change him, so he lets out a heavy sigh.  Your posture gave you away.  Instead of being seated in a relaxed position, you are sitting upright, slightly facing him, and it's obvious that you aren't truly watching whatever's on television.

Finally, you've thought of some other line to try, and decided to wait until the commercial break to tell Ishmael (in a loving way cause you don't want to argue) just how you feel.  You wait anxiously and listen to the annoying sounds of "the game" (football or basketball). 
After waiting for what felt like an eternity, a commercial break finally comes on, and you're ready to speak, but you just don't know where to start.  You search his eyes for any indication that he'll receive your words without being offended, but somehow, you know better.  He hates talking about serious issues and he hates talking about problems in your relationship.  Sensing what you're about to do, Ishmael stands to his feet and heads to the kitchen.  "Do you want anything out the kitchen?" he asks.  Disappointed and anxious, you lower your voice and respond.  "No, I'm good.  Could you hurry back, though?  I'd like to speak with you about something."  Ishmael sighs and walks off.  He knows what's coming, and frankly, he's getting a little irritated with all of the frequent talks.  Why can't you just let him be who he is and be satisfied with that?

Ishmael emerges from the kitchen, and just as he does, your plans are put on hold again.  In what feels like some kind of demonic intervention, his phone rings.  Sigh.  Who could it be?  It happens to be his closest friend or relative; that one guy who you wish would just evaporate into thin air.  Why does he always have to call when you're trying to speak to your husband or boyfriend?  Why can't he just stop chasing skirts, get his life together, and settle down?  Why does he always seem to call when you've finally gotten enough nerve up to speak with your lover?  Your thoughts are many, and Ishmael gives you the "one minute" finger as if you don't know that their conversation is about to last as long as the commercial break.  You cross your arms, slouch and grab one of the pillows on the couch.  In your heart of hearts, you want to take that pillow and knock Ishmael into a seated position so you could speak to him, and at the same time, you probably wouldn't mind using that same pillow to smother the dude who's on the other line.

Believe it or not, this is the story of many women who live with or are married to their Ishmaels.  Just as the original Ishmael wasn't the son of promise, an Ishmael, as it relates to relationships, is not the husband of promise.  He's the husband of the flesh; the one many women choose in their unwillingness to wait and let GOD renew their minds.  He's the one who swept you off your feet, took you to cloud nine, and then, dropped you back into reality without a parachute.  The man you'd chosen for yourself was unfit to be your husband (or anybody's husband, for that matter). 

The purpose of this post is to help those of you who are single to not end up with Ishmael, and to help those of you who are currently entertaining Hagar's son to release him back into the wild.  You will likely recognize yourself, your words or your intentions (past or present, and hopefully not futuristic) in this post.  Below are 12 statements women usually make to their Ishmaels, along with their intentions.

  1. "I'm not trying to argue."  This ploy is used to soften the ground before attempting to dig into the conversation you know your guy doesn't want to have.   He's always accusing you of being argumentative (nag) or fishing for trouble (hag), so you want him to know that you are actually seeking a resolution as opposed to an argument.
    Truth: Of all the words in this world, the only words that will change Ishmael is the Word of GOD.  Many women spend years, decades and even lifetimes learning new words, sentences and phrases to take home and use on their Ishmaels, only to find that Ishmael is comfortable being Ishmael, and no amount of words will change that.
  2. "First off, let me apologize for_____________."  This play on words is designed to help you appear humble in hopes that Ishmael will do the same.
    Truth: Ishmael needs deliverance.  You can apologize all day, but always remember that one of the first things we have to get delivered from once we are saved is pride.  If a man has not been delivered from pride yet, you can speak to his body, but you can't reach his understanding.
  3. "What was that about?"  This is usually an opening line to the conversation you want to have.  You've likely asked this question after Ishmael received a phone call, and you didn't know how to start "the talk" off without offending him, so you decided to initiate one conversation and use it to flow into the conversation that you really wanted to have.
    Truth: It doesn't matter how you start the conversation, it will always end on a demonic tune.  At the same time, when you start becoming crafty, Ishmael will start becoming more defiant.  You can't beat the devil at his own game.
  4. "Why did you (insert accusation here)?"  This method is usually initiated by a woman who sees no other way but to take the argumentative route, or women who want to weigh their lovers down with guilt before engaging in the infamous "talk".
    Truth: The Bible tells us that where there is strife, there is every evil work.  Now, let's do the math here: You've got Ishmael, and Ishmael probably has 12 or more demons.  Add in every evil work (pride, manipulation, wrath, envy, jealousy, etc.), and whatever you've got to be delivered from, and what you're hosting is nothing less than a block party in your house for demons.  Arguing with or challenging an Ishmael will never work; it will only entertain his devils.
  5. "So, he was flirting with me, and I told him that I'm in a relationship.  That's when he asked me if I was happy.  He said I didn't look happy, so I told him that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Sure, we have our problems just like everyone else, but I'm not gonna cheat cause cheating doesn't fix anything."  This tactic is usually performed by a woman who's discovered her Ishmael's infidelities, or at least suspects that he's been unfaithful.  This is her way of saying that regardless of what they've been through, she's remained faithful (or will remain faithful from that point).  This is designed to "guilt-trip" her lover into either confessing his indiscretions or stopping them cold-turkey.  Additionally, this is also a woman's way of indirectly threatening her lover by letting him know that other men are interested in her, and she can cheat if she wants to. 
    Truth: Let me say this again: Ishmael needs deliverance.  Trying to stir up one of the many things wrong with him (jealousy) is not only foolish, but it can prove to be dangerous.
  6. "You know what I've been through.  I've told you my story."  This method is referred to as the "guilt-trip," and is designed to pull on Ishmael's heartstrings (if there are any left).  If you find yourself having to say those words (or similar words) to a man, he's definitely not the appointed one for you.  It's likely your way of saying that you're not only still a victim, but your Ishmael stands at risk of becoming the worst part of your story if, after having known what you've been through, he decides to add a few more dents to your already totaled heart.
    Truth: You shouldn't want to be with a man who you've got to show your scars to from time-to-time to get him to stop giving your more scars.  Ishmael hasn't surrendered his heart to GOD yet, and therefore, his ability to love a woman only exists in the fleshly realm.  This means that his love is conditional, and can also be dangerous.  Pity is not the recipe for respect; love is.
  7. "I'm late."  This devilish tactic is used to distract Ishmael with the joys (or threats) of a possible pregnancy; all the while, unleashing all of your true feelings on him.  The goal here is to get Ishmael to feel bad about his recent behavior, and at the same time, let him know that you're delicate at the moment, so he shouldn't be so brutal in his response.
    Truth: First off, if you're not (legally) married to the guy you're with, you already know you shouldn't be sexing him, but if you are married to Ishmael, you've got to understand that a baby won't make him a better man.  Additionally, when you can't just talk with the man you're with without using schemes then you're more than likely not with your GOD-ordained spouse. 
  8. "(Insert friend's name here) just found out that her husband (or boyfriend) has been cheating on her, and she's a wreck.  I told her that if after all she's done for him, he still can't be faithful, she needs to get up and leave him.  Another man will love and appreciate her, and he (your friend's lover) will be left looking stupid when he loses a good woman over some tramp who's probably been passed around more than the collection tray at church!  It's stupid, too!  I don't get how some men can lose a good woman trying to run up behind a loose woman.  Uggghhh!!!"  Okay, calm, again, you'd likely initiate this conversation if Ishmael was acting like Ishmael again and you suspected that he has had (or is having) an affair.  This tactic is usually a woman's way of indirectly threatening her Ishmael, warning him that Isaac is still out there somewhere, and he's ready to commit.  If you can't reach him from the direct approach, you'd probably sink into passive-aggressively rebuking your Ishmael in hopes that he'll see the situation from another angle and see how stupid he's being.
    Truth: A pride-filled, adulterous man can be a few feet away from you, and still be thousands of miles away from you.  How so?  His body is there; his (limited) understanding is present, but pride has taken him so far away from GOD that not only does he not hear from GOD, he can't truly hear (understand) you.  He knows that what he's doing is wrong, and he knows that it will hurt you if you were to discover his indiscretions, but first and foremost, he is his own god.  He worships himself and he will serve himself whatever he wants to serve himself, despite your pleas, tears or threats.
  9. "I'm so happy for (insert your friend's name here).  After all she's been through with (insert her ex's name here), she's finally in a relationship with a man who loves and cherishes her.  You know, she told me that they do everything together, and he doesn't have any "boys".  She is so happy and I'm happy for her.  I know (insert her ex's name here) is looking five levels of stupid now because, after all he's done to her, she's better than blessed, while he is (insert his situation here)".  This stretch has three purposes: To threaten Ishmael and warn him that if he doesn't straighten out, you may end up just like your a relationship with a new guy who wants to do all of the things with and for you that he (Ishmael) doesn't want to do.  The second purpose is to let Ishmael know what you don't like about him.  The final purpose is to get him to see you as a victim, rather than an offender.  After all, your friend's ex has likely done less wrongs to your friend than your Ishmael has done to you.
    Truth: One of the lowest places you can find yourself in is having to brag on somebody else's man.  When you have to experience what you want in a relationship vicariously through someone else's relationship, you have hit rock bottom.  Men (in general) don't like to be compared to other men, and whenever you compare them to other men, they will oftentimes intentionally try to do everything opposite of the men you've compared them to.  This means that if you've compared Ishmael to Isaac, you'll only encourage him to be worse than he already is.  After your comparison, he will make it a point to be the extreme opposite of Isaac.  That's his way of saying to you that he is his own man.
  10. "I'm tired."  This is a plea within a plea.  In this, you're likely trying to warn Ishmael that you've run out of words, so his time with you is coming to an abrupt end.  As women, when we tell a guy that we're tired, we are oftentimes at our breaking points, but hope is still yet alive.  We still hope that Ishmael will realize the err of his ways and work on fixing the relationship before we are fully clocked out of it.
    Truth: Threatening to leave Ishmael won't make him become Isaac.  If you've made this threat many times, he'll learn to tune you out, let you say whatever you have to say to him, and let you go somewhere alone to get over yourself.  At this point, you are being carried away by the truth, and you're still trying to find at least one lie to hold on to, but whom the Son has set free is free indeed.  You can't run from the truth, nor can you hide from the truth.  Eventually, you'll have to accept what is true and what is not true, and from there, you can make a conscious decision as to whether or not you want to remain in Egypt (the land of slavery) with Ishmael or if you want to start your journey into the unknown to wait on the promised man (Isaac).
  11. "I'm done.  Do whatever you want to do."  These words are usually spoken by a woman who's pretty much given up; a woman whose heart has been broken, and the only end to the problem that she sees is the inevitable ending of her marriage or relationship.  Even though she's still present in body, her heart has started removing itself from that relationship.  Because she's still talking and still present, there is still a minute chance that she'll reconcile with her lover, but if nothing happens, she is pretty much saying that she wants out of that relationship.  When you get to this point, you've come to or almost arrived at the very truth you shouldn't have ignored in the first place, and that is: You can't change a man.
    Truth: When you're done, you won't feel the need to tell that man that you're done.  Ordinarily, at this point, you're tired and you're almost done, but you're not quite there yet.  You're still trying to talk about it because you want to see if there is any love in him for you.  You told him that you were done because you wanted to see how he would react.  You secretly hoped that the thought of losing you would be enough to make him realize that he had to change, but it's not.  Know this: The threat of spending an eternity away from GOD (in hell) should've been enough to make him change, but it didn't.  What kind of hell do you have to put him in?
  12. Nothing.  Silence speaks louder than words, because silence usually means that you've given up and you're now looking for a way out.  This is usually when the truth has finally become your reality, and you've stopped feeding yourself lies about your lover or your relationship.
    Truth: At this point, Ishmael could become unstable because he actually finds peace in hearing you "nag" him, but when you start acting strangely, he may feel threatened.  He may even try to find ways to keep you without having to change, and these tactics can include sex, manipulation, more lies, abuse, drugs, etc.  Once you decide that it's time to go, don't tarry; depart in love with haste. 
The truth is: With Ishmael, you will learn to be crafty in your communications because he won't respond well to truth, nor will he respond well to rejection.  Ishmael is Satan's bundle of joy (but your bundle of misery), and when you take him on, Satan will hand you his diaper bag full of the tricks and trades you'll have to learn to maintain your relationship with him.  In this bag of tricks, you'll find lies, pride, manipulation, hopelessness, castration tools, prayers set to go amiss, false prophets (to minister to you), friends to match your mindset (and pain), pre-written suicide notes (in case you make Ishmael an idol), pre-written murder notes (in case Ishmael makes you an idol), ibuprofen, illegal drugs, other Ishmaels (to make the current Ishmael jealous), and the list goes on and on until this earth is no more.  The point is: You cannot afford to waste your life and precious words on an Ishmael, nor do you want to end up learning to be crafty to deal with the devil's son.  GOD wants to grow you up, and the only thing HE will hand you when HIS son (Isaac) finds you is the ability to love and submit to your husband; that's all you'll need with him.  Ishmael doesn't understand and won't know the value of your words, and that's why he'll call your communications with him "nagging".  Isaac, on the other hand, will value your opinion because he will value you.  You are his favor and the crown that GOD has placed upon his head.  Sure, he may not always agree with you, nor will he always handle situations the God-way, but he will love and fear the LORD to the point where he will be corrected and restored by GOD.  With Isaac, the work is already done; GOD has already cleaned him up and given him the keys to his purpose.  After finding himself, he will find you, and the two of you will be able to walk together because you'll be agreed. 


  1. Wow wow wow this is so encouraging

  2. Omg! Sister Tiff, you are a blessing and your words come straight from the mouth of God. I found this site through your youtube channel. I am extremely blessed by your ministry! I pray that God enlarge your territory and lavish His grace and love on you and continue to meet every need in your life. Praise God.

    1. Thanks sis. You truly made me smile today. GOD bless you.

  3. Yes this will bless many women

  4. So blessed, soaking up all I can learn from you anointed Tiffany. I hope you produce more YouTube videos, I watch your current ones everyday all day streaming from YouTube on my TV.

    1. Thanks sis. GOD bless you. Yes, there are many more to come. I've just got to edit them first, but I can't wait to post the next one.

  5. OMG!!!! I Thank GOd So many times,Siter Tiff, God Bless triple more infinitely are truthly first hand vessel from God.Continue like these forever even for better. Im with you :)