Understanding and Severing Ungodly Soul Ties

Are soul ties real? Some people would argue that they aren't. I've written articles and recorded messages on the subject of soul ties and, for the most part, the majority of people who have read or listened to the messages I've put out were in agreement. However, there's always going to be less than a handful of people who do not agree. People who oppose the idea that soul ties do exist are oftentimes legalistic, arguing that the Bible never once mentioned the term "soul ties." In other words, they have to see the literal term spelled out (and highlighted) in the Bible to accept it as truth. Nevertheless, the Bible does mention soul ties. Consider the story of David and Jonathan. 

1 Samuel 18:1 (ESV): As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

Of course, the word "knit" means to be united or to be tied. Other scriptures referencing soul ties include Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:7-9, 1 Corinthians 6:16, Genesis 34:1-3, 2 Corinthians 6:14, and Acts 4:32. The second book of Corinthians gives an interesting take on soul ties.
2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV): Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word "yoke" this way: a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (such as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together. A draft animal is an animal used for carrying heavy loads. So, when God tells us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, He is telling us:

1. Do not be in agreement with unbelievers (see 1 Corinthians 15:33). 
2. Do not walk with the lost (Proverbs 13:20). 
3. Cut away from you anyone who causes you to sin (Matthew 5:30). 
4. If you yoke yourself with an unbeliever, you (the believer) will carry the burden of the relationship.

Think about two animals that are unequally yoked. If you placed a wooden frame on an ox and yoked it with a donkey, both the ox and the donkey would hurt one another. The ox would have to carry the donkey's weight, plus, both animals would not want to walk in the same direction. They are not the same, therefore, they would not be in agreement with one another. The ox wouldn't understand the donkey and the donkey wouldn't understand the ox. Nevertheless, because of its strength and weight, the ox would overpower the donkey's will. Next, because both animals are of differing heights and weights, the donkey would be drug and eventually strangled by the ox. The ox would then have to carry the donkey's dead weight around. God gave us this example to illustrate the difficulties and dangers of being unequally yoked with unbelievers. 

Simply put, a soul tie is a yoke. Just as the wooden frame unites two animals, soul ties unite two people. Of course, there is a such thing as an ungodly soul tie and this is what God warns us about. Being in an ungodly soul tie is pretty much the same as partnering with the devil. It is to be torn between light and darkness, good and evil. It is attempting to walk together with a person who cannot share the burden of the relationship or your walk with Jesus with you.

First and foremost, let's briefly discuss what soul ties are and establish the validity of soul ties. A soul tie is the knitting of two or more souls through familiarity and/or sex. It is the uniting of two or more people in the soulish realm. We often unite with people when we are familiar with them or when we want to make them intimate, long-term partners in our lives. We often soul tie ourselves to people who we are in agreement with or we believe to be in agreement with us, especially regarding what we consider to be most important for our lives. Understand this: all soul ties start and end as "one." Let me explain.

Amos 3:3 reads, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" This scripture speaks of the number "two." Howbeit, the word "agreed" references the number one. Consider Genesis 11:6, which reads, "And the LORD said, “Behold, they are one people, and they have all one language, and this is only the beginning of what they will do. And nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them." In this text, we see that a group of people can be considered "one" when they are in agreement with one another. Of course, to be soul tied, you need someone to be soul tied to. For example, Megan can be soul tied to Jeff, meaning, the two are now one body (in God's eyes) and one soul. This does not negate the fact that they are individuals operating in different bodies. What it does mean is that Megan's choices will affect Jeff, and Jeff's choices will affect Megan. This means that they can both impact one another's lives, even if they are no longer affiliated with one another. 

Jeff is still considered one person and the same is true for Megan. So, if Jeff enters a new relationship with a woman named Patricia, the two shall become one. This does not, however, liberate Megan's soul from Jeff's soul. When her soul united with Jeff's soul, the two became one. When Jeff united with Patricia, the two became one. Anytime you deal with soul ties, you are dealing with the number "one," but before the soul tie is initiated, you are dealing with the number "two." 

The soul is like water. If you were to take water from the Mississippi River and mix it with water from the Nile River, it would be impossible for mankind to separate the waters from each river. Once they are blended, they become one body of water, which means that if you were to pour the water into two cups, you'd have water from both the Mississippi and the Nile Rivers in both cups. Unlike natural bodies, the soul of a person cannot be separated from the soul of another person in the natural realm. Only God can divide soul ties.
Mark 10:7-9 (ESV): Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Why did God say that the two shall become one flesh? After all, we clearly see two people operating in their own will. It simply means they become one in the eyes of God. God took a rib from Adam and placed it in Eve. To this, Adam responded, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23). God could have easily formed Eve from the dust on the ground in the same way He formed Adam, but He is a God of unity and order. He made man in His image and He created woman in the image of man; that way, we would not be a separate creature or creation. Instead, we are a part of the Creator, Himself. God also said that when we get saved, we are one spirit with Him, meaning, we come into agreement with Him. This means that we can now "walk together" with the Father if we follow His Word and do not rebel against Him.

Next, Amos 3:3 speaks of "walking together." Walking together means you have a common destination or a common path. If you were in high school and your best friend attended a different high school than the one you went to, you wouldn't travel the same path to school with her unless the schools were in close proximity to one another. You would only walk with her if you had to journey down the same path towards your schools. If you took the same path to school, you would agree to meet at a certain place before you started your journey together each day. Additionally, the scripture isn't necessarily referencing walking in the same direction or to the same destination as someone who is in opposition to us or vice versa. After all, we can live in the same neighborhood and take the same path to school as an enemy of ours, but this doesn't necessarily mean that we are in agreement with that person. As a matter of fact, we would more than likely not agree to walk to school with an enemy because, even though our feet are treading the same paths, our hearts are in direct opposition to one another. Nevertheless, this means that we are oftentimes soul tied to our enemies through the bonds of unforgiveness. How so? Because anytime you are in unforgiveness with another person, the two of you are in agreement with one another. You have agreed to remain enemies instead of doing what God told us to do in Matthew 5:23-26.
Matthew 5:23-26 (ESV): So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

 Your enemies' choices can and do affect you if you are operating in unforgiveness. That's why people get angry when they hear that their enemies are being blessed. Lastly, Amos 3:3 references the term "agreement." It basically says that two people can only walk together when they are in agreement. The same is true in unforgiveness. Both people can agree to walk in unforgiveness towards one another and this essentially places them on the same path... towards hell.

Our souls are comprised of our minds, will and emotions. It is the driving force behind our plans, choices and results. Whatever or whomever mixes with your soul will alter the direction of your life's journey. Many people are decades behind on their life's journeys because of ungodly soul ties. The reason for this is whenever we enter a soul tie, we invest into the relationships that we are in. When those investments do not pay off, we oftentimes focus on the loss but not the lesson. In other words, people who are loss-focused tend to center their lives around their losses, whereas, people who are focused on the lessons of life tend to center their lives around their lessons. 

I remember speaking with a woman some years ago. I didn't personally know her, but she wanted to place an order with my company. It is not unusual for me to have long conversations with some of my customers, especially back then. Nowadays, I keep things professional (for the most part), but occasionally, I do still get a customer who I'll end up speaking with about God and life for hours at a time. Anyhow, the woman started sharing her story with me. She was divorced because her ex-husband had left her for another woman. Because I had a similar testimony, I felt the need to encourage her. After all, I thought her divorce was recent because of the pain and anger I heard in her voice. By the end of that conversation, I was rebuking her words under my breath. She was speaking death to her ex-husband's marriage, plus, to my surprise, the couple had been divorced for more than a decade. She'd carried that wound with her for more than ten years. She was still very hurt and very angry, even though her husband was no longer with the woman he'd left her for. Her bitterness was evident and it had robbed her of so much. It robbed her of her opportunity to experience true love; it robbed her financially, and it was taking a toll on her health. This is an example of an ungodly soul tie. As a matter of fact, unforgiveness is an ungodly soul tie.

Nowadays, thanks to social media, I see plenty of married women who are still soul tied to their exes. For example, I've seen married women posting pictures of the lingerie that they plan to wear for their current husbands. Why is this? It's simple. The women in question are still soul tied to someone who's rejected them at some point in their lives. Nine times out of ten, they are either friends on social media with the men who've rejected them or they are friends with the families of the men who've rejected them. Posting up pictures of lingerie is their way of saying to their exes, "Look at how I treat my man! This could have been you if you hadn't dumped me!" Of course, if confronted, no woman would admit to this, but it's true. Women often respond to romantic rejection by advertising what they are doing for the men who've accepted them. The sad part about this is ... their "official" husbands are essentially married to another man's wife. How so? The women in question are still soul tied to their exes; their husbands are just afterthoughts or people who've become one with them after they became one with somebody else. In a case like this, the former soul tie is stronger than the current one.

I was watching an episode of the show Catfish earlier and in this episode, a woman was still infatuated with a man she'd met online several years ago. He'd suddenly disappeared for a couple of years, only to suddenly reappear once she'd gotten into a new relationship. The woman was torn between both men. She preferred the guy she'd met online, but she didn't want to lose her current boyfriend. She was in an emotional soul tie. Emotional soul ties can be just as strong and sometimes stronger than sexual soul ties. In this case, the emotional soul tie with the guy she'd never physically met was definitely stronger than the soul tie she had with her boyfriend. It was pretty clear that she'd been sexually active with her boyfriend, but her mind, will and emotions were still being largely affected by the previous guy. Her boyfriend agreed to allowing her to meet the previous boyfriend so that she could determine what she really wanted to do. When she saw the guy she'd met online for the first time, it was very clear that she was very much soul tied to him. Her tie with him was far stronger than her tie with her current boyfriend. This doesn't mean that he was the man for her; it simply means that she'd invested more of herself emotionally into that particular relationship. She even agreed to get matching tattoos with the guy she'd met online. After that, she returned to her home state and married her current boyfriend. What her now husband doesn't realize is ... he's married to another man's wife. Anytime you enter a marriage with a person who's soul tied to another person, they will always compare you with the person they really want, plus, they will suffer from what I call "spare tire syndrome." Basically, they won't tread carefully with their words nor will they respect their relationship with you because they know that they have a spare in the form of another person. Sometimes, people attempt to replace old soul ties with new ones, but this does not work. Why not? Because the two that became one will make it hard for the one to truly cleave to the next person.

Anyone who has the power to move you is a person who has a soul tie with you, whether that soul tie be a godly soul tie or an ungodly one. A godly soul tie is a bond that has been established by God, but an ungodly soul tie is a bond that has either not been established by God or a bond that has been compromised. Two people can enter a godly soul tie and cause that soul tie to become ungodly through, for example, fornication. When this happens, God will not support the ungodly soul tie. Instead, the couple would need to sincerely repent and let God bring them into a "new thing." In other words, they'd have to start over and establish their relationship on a godly foundation. 

This brings to question ... are you soul tied to an ex? Most people are. The reason for this is that most churches don't give thorough teachings about ungodly soul ties because it can be a controversial subject. For this reason, many people are illegally married to people from their pasts. How do you know if you're still soul tied to someone? Please review the following ten pointers:

You still think of your ex often. This is the first sign that a soul tie isn't broken. Keep in mind that the soul is comprised of the mind, will and emotions. So, if the ex is always on your mind, it's because you are still soul tied to him or her.

You are still angry with your ex for walking away from you or letting you walk away from him or her. Unforgiveness is a clear sign that the soul tie is still very much in good-standing.

You are still angry with the person you believe to be responsible for your breakup. When a soul tie is broken, you won't be angry with the people who once interfered in your relationship. You'll simply acknowledge their role in your breakup story, but for the most part, you won't be angry with them because you'll have the understanding that precedes forgiveness.

You keep comparing yourself to the person your ex is now romantically linked to. The truth is ... when you are no longer soul tied to a person, you won't be interested in knowing who they are with, nor will be you be tempted to compare yourself to that person.

You keep checking your ex's social media pages. If you are attempting to remain up-to-date regarding your ex's current life, it's only because you are living in the past and you are still soul tied to him or her.

You are still personally affiliated with your ex's family or friends. I can't tell you how many women I've met who were guilty of this. The most common excuse I've heard is, "Well, I was friends with his mother way before I got with him and I'm not gonna stop talking to her just because he's stupid!" Such rhetoric comes from a soul tied woman in denial.

You keep dating people who remind you of your ex. I've found that the enemy uses one relationship to set the tone for the relationships to follow. People tend to date the same demon in a different person. In other words, people tend to be attracted to whatever familiar spirit their exes were bound by. For this reason, they keep dating people who remind them of their exes.

You keep mentally reliving the relationship or the breakup. Memory recall can be a sign of an unsevered soul tie and it can be demonic in nature.

You have a lot of unanswered questions that you'd like to pose to your ex. People who are in ungodly soul ties often have a list of questions they've compiled in their hearts that they want answered. That's because they don't feel like they've gotten closure when, in truth, they are simply dealing with the lasting effects of unsevered, ungodly soul ties.

You still believe your ex is "the one." This often happens when a believer believes he or she has heard from God regarding a particular person or it has been prophesied to him or her that the ex is the one God has hand-picked for them. Now, it is possible to be broken up from "the one," especially if you've rendered the relationship ungodly through fornication. However, the soul tie is now ungodly and must be severed in order for God to establish a new foundation for the two of you to create godly soul ties on.

You keep showing up at or frequenting places that you know your ex frequents. People who are soul tied will often travel the same routes and show up at the same places they believe their exes to frequent. This is especially true on the days when they feel attractive; for example, when a man has gotten a new haircut or a woman has gotten a new outfit.

You refuse to trash the gifts, notes and emails that your ex gave you. Hoarding old gifts means that the emotional aspect of the relationship is very much alive. People tend to hold on to gifts, notes and emails so they can relive the happy times. When you are truly broken up from a person and the soul ties have been severed, old things are passed away and you'll desire something new. You won't hold on to the old out of fear that it may keep you from receiving the new.

You get angry every time you hear your ex has been blessed or you get happy every time you hear your ex is going through a hardship. If anything your ex receives, loses, says or does affects you emotionally, you are still soul tied to that ex.

You still want to make your ex jealous. Wanting to make another person jealous is a clear sign that you are wrestling with jealousy and you want them to experience what you are feeling.

As I mentioned earlier, only God can sever soul ties. If you've never asked Him to sever any ungodly soul ties, then you're more than likely still a part of one (or many). People oftentimes don't believe it to be necessary to repent of former relationships and ask God to sever the ungodly ones because many believers keep trying to "fix themselves" by entering new soul ties. Of course, you can't override or replace a soul tie, but you can involve yourself in another soul tie that's stronger than the soul tie you are currently in. This is not a great idea because it only opens you up for a greater level of hurt and rejection. This would only translate to you looking for an even stronger soul tie to numb the effects of that soul tie and this would open you up for more hurt and rejection. This cycle won't end until you stop it. Additionally, unsevered soul ties will affect every relationship (romantic or non-romantic) that you enter. Unsevered soul ties open you up for the spirits of distrust, rejection, abandonment, lust, etc because they represent open doors that need to be shut.

You can't do it on your own. It is not possible for you to sever the soul ties that you are in. You need the help of God. If you attempt to sever the soul ties, you'll only stack a new one on top of the old one and before long, you will be the equivalent of several rivers all mixed up into one person. Pray and ask the Lord to help you. Release the people who've hurt you and resolve it within your heart that they were not assigned to your life. If you believe that someone has been assigned by God to your life, release that person anyway. Pray for him or her and let God bring him or her back when He sees fit. You will never receive the new wine if you won't pour out the old wine.

Lastly, do NOT enter anymore ungodly soul ties, meaning, do not have premarital sex! Keep your relationship holy, otherwise, you will become one body with every person your lover is one with. This will only cause the two of you to become one body who's not in agreement! This means you won't be able to continue walking together for long. This also means that you'll be a house divided and we know that a house divided cannot stand. Agree to present your body as a living sacrifice to God before you enter a relationship and make sure that the person you are romantically interested in has made that same sacrifice to God. That way, the both of you will be in agreement regarding the most important relationship you'll ever have: that is your relationship with God. Understand this: anytime Satan sends the spirits of lust and impatience into a relationship, he is sending death to that relationship, after all, the wages of sin is death! Sin doesn't come to establish or strengthen a relationship; it comes to destroy it! Sure, we all deal with temptation, but true (Agape) love doesn't lead one to sin; it leads people out of sin and into freedom. Does this mean that you can save a sinner with your love? It depends on the kind of love you extend to the unbeliever. A believer should NEVER extend Eros (romantic love) to an unbeliever. Instead, the only love you should extend to an unbeliever is Agape (God's kind of love). This means your assignment is to win that soul for God, not yourself! Agape love saves souls, but Eros without Agape establishes ungodly soul ties.

How many bodies of water are you? How many people are interrupting your life's flow? Let's revisit the example of Jeff, Megan and Patricia. Jeff is one person with Megan and he's also one person with Patricia. Let's say, for example's sake, that Patricia is one person with Tony, Harry and Donald and each of those men are one person with at minimum ten people. What we have is a large body of people who are negatively impacting one another's emotions and lives. Sure, it may sound outlandish, but the math behind soul ties is this: two equals one. This is why we have so many unstable believers today. Too many people are like the Mississippi River; they stretch across several states. But you don't have to be one with your exes anymore.

How do you break free from an ungodly soul tie? The answer is simple: Repent, Renounce, Resist and Renew.

1. Repent of the sin that got you into that soul tie. The word "repent" means to turn away from the sin and turn your heart back to God. This means that you cannot ask God to sever one soul tie and then, you proceed to enter another ungodly soul tie. 
2. Renounce the soul tie. You can say, for example, "I renounce every ungodly soul tie that I am a part of and I command those soul ties to be severed in the name of Christ Jesus." You can also call out the names of the people who you are soul tied to.
3. Resist the temptation to reenter the soul tie once it's broken. Most people can attest to this ... when you actually renounce a soul tie, people from your past will suddenly start calling you. These are people you haven't spoken with in years.
4. Renew your mind. How do you do this? You evict old information by bringing in new information. Read your Bible daily and pray to the Lord several times a day. Surround yourself with wise people and disassociate yourself from foolish people. Consider Proverbs 13:20, which reads, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."

You can't manage the burden of an unbeliever so don't try. Let God be God in your life and let Him choose your spouse for you. Learn to respect the seasons of life and always remember that some people are nothing but weapons that were formed against you. Do not let them prosper. Guard your heart and pursue peace. Be led by the Spirit of God and refuse to settle for less than God's best.

Lastly, if someone tries to sleep with you who, of course, isn't married to you, evict that person from your life. A lot of people do't realize this but if you "will" to stay abstinent, but the person you are engaging with has "willed" himself or herself to sleep with you, the two of you are not in agreement and that person is definitely not in agreement with God. Saying "no" to a fornicator is not enough because people who are led by their flesh are oftentimes very crafty. For example, if a man is overly determined to sleep with you, he will get what he wants if you do not flee that relationship. He'll simply flatter you, gain your trust, and get you alone with him a few times. It won't be long before you find yourself going against the grain of your faith. It is better to release the wrong person than it is to be married to him or her. 

Stop trying to be "one" with someone who cannot walk with you in agreement. Anyone who cannot walk with you will eventually walk against you. If you become "one" with someone who is not "the one" whom God has assigned to your life, you will soon discover what a ripped soul feels like.