Thursday, October 23, 2014

How Much Did Your Man Cost You?

Every woman has a reality, and for some women, the reality is: They've paid hefty prices just to feel loved.  The men they have living in their homes are nothing more than actors who pretend to love them in exchange for sex, money, a place to stay, free transportation, and the list goes on.  Amazingly enough, a woman knows when she isn't loved, whether she admits this truth to herself or not.  Oftentimes, the issue is: She prefers to live in the reality that she's created for herself.  She's created a comfortable nest in the lies that she's told herself.  As for her lover, his lies are nothing more than her justifications for keeping him around.  She wants to be loved, and she's willing to pay for it.  Instead of admitting or accepting that the man she chose does not love her, she will look for the evidence of his love in his actions.

Not surprising, however, is the fact that one cannot buy love.  One can buy lies, but the truth is free.  And even though the truth is free, it can be taxing on a woman who's given all she has to believe the lies.  There are always women out there who are willing to pay hefty prices to be loved, and even though this mindset is regarded as taboo, it's more common than we care to admit.  Sadly enough, many women have paid the ultimate price for love; they've lost their lives for the men they were paying for, only to find out in the end that they were never loved.

Women who pay for love will rarely admit to their arrangements.  That's because it's pretty humiliating to admit that the man you've been lying with does not love you.  It's easier to pretend that he does.  A woman who is not loved will often look for any signs that the man she's paying to have actually loves her.  For example, if that man does one nice act for her, she'll become overly excited and announce it to the world.  An example of this would be a woman who lives with a man and pays all of the housing bills.  She'll likely complain about her lover not helping out with the bills, but she'll keep paying those bills and taking care of him for the sake of feeling loved.  Let's say that her beau was to take her out to dinner, and to her surprise, he pays for the meal.  The next thing you know, she's updated her Facebook status to read: Out to eat with my baby.  He just spoils me rotten.
Her goal is to not only convince herself that the man she's paying for actually loves her and will eventually pay her back, but she wants to convince others that he loves her.  Why so?  Because she's afraid that everyone else can see what she sees, and in most cases, they do.

Every woman wants to be loved, and most women want a man that they can gloat on.  Even though men like this do exist, the average woman isn't patient enough for GOD to send her GOD-appointed husband.  Instead, she finds a fixer-upper: a man with many problems and little potential, and she attempts to tear down what she doesn't like about him, in an attempt to build up the man she wants in him.  That's why you'll find in relationships where a woman has sacrificed all that she has and all that she is for the sake of her man, she's always upset, and they're always fighting.  She realizes the weight and size of the seed she's sowing into him, and it's disheartening to her to consider that she will never see a return on that seed.  For this reason, divorce lawyers are raking in the big bucks as their offices flood with women who suddenly stopped lying and told themselves the truth: They weren't loved; they were tolerated.  They were paying hefty prices for something that's ordinarily free: love.

Just in case, you're considering purchasing a double-minded actor for yourself, please be aware of the following truths:
  • A man who does not love you will not take care of you.  Sure, he may help with the bills for a while.  He may even pay all of the bills for a while, but this does not mean that he loves you.  This truth will become evident as the months or years go by.
  • A man who loves you will do whatever he can do to provide for the woman he loves.  That's why you'll see that some men are lazy while with some women, but as soon as they get with other women, they become workaholics.
  • A man who does not love you will have affairs.  It's not a question of if he has an affair; it's when.  A man who doesn't love the woman he's with will oftentimes get his strength to stay in that relationship by having extramarital affairs.  If he's not married, he will go outside of the relationship that he has with his girlfriend, and he'll sleep with other women.  Why is this?  Because he's still searching for a woman that he feels is worth loving, but in the meantime, he'll settle for women he feels is worth sexing.
  • A man who does not love you CAN be jealous of the idea of you being with someone else.  This doesn't mean that he loves you.  It simply means that he's marked his territory, and he doesn't like any other men crossing into what he sees as his territory.  A lot of women see their lovers' jealousy as the evidence of their love for them; when in truth, a dog does not like to share his food.  He may growl over it, but that doesn't mean he's enjoying it or that he loves it.  It simply means he sees that food as his food.  All the same, a man does not like to share his fool.
  • A man who does not love you CAN marry you in a heartbeat.  A lot of women get overly excited when their lovers express their desires to marry them, only to find out once they're married, that their new husbands had ulterior motives or low self-perception.   If a man doesn't think highly of himself, he will settle for a woman that he believes is decent enough.  It goes without saying, however, that when another woman comes along, he will leave the good for what he thinks is the better.
  •  A man who does not love you will likely abuse you.  Remember, abuse can be physical, or emotional (mental).  Additionally, emotional abuse can be verbal or non-verbal.  An example of non-verbal abuse would be a husband who slams doors, sharpens knives or engages in any behavior that's designed to scare or intimidate his wife.  He may also do this by emotionally starving his wife of affection.
  • A man who does not love you can confess his secrets to you.  A lot of women find false hope in the fact that their lovers have confided in them about some pretty humiliating and intimate issues, but the truth is: A man can trust a woman that he doesn't love.  He may feel that she's too in love with him to reveal his secrets.  He may also feel that he knows an even more humiliating secret about her, or he may feel that he has something to use against her, should they break up.  For example, he could have a humiliating and lewd photo, or he could have the knowledge of something she's done that could get her fired from her job, or something she's done that could result in her arrest.
  • A man who does not love you will eventually leave you.  He has no reason to stay, other than the fact that you're paying for him.  Eventually, some woman will come along that he's willing to pay for.  All the same, there are cases where a man does take "til death does us part" seriously.  It's no surprise, however, that death seems to come faster to a woman who's not loved because her lover will invest in her demise, but not her life.
  • A man cannot and will not respect a woman who pays for him.  Now, this is where the dividing lines are drawn, and the arguments start.  On one side of this line will stand women who will shout to the world that they've paid for their men and are now happy, and on the other side will stand women (and men) who know better.  Let's get one thing straight.  A man is a pursuer, and he will always pursue the woman that he really wants, but he doesn't mind being pursued by women who want him.  What's amazing is: In the world (and sometimes the church), you'll see a man living with his girlfriend (I hate that word) or wife, and he'll let her pay the bills, assume all (or the majority) of the responsibilities, and cook for him.  In exchange, he won't leave her...for a few months or a few years anyway.  That very same man will go out and find a woman he feels is worth having, and he will refuse to let her work.  He'll pay the bills and assume all (or the majority) the responsibilities.  One way to see if a man cares for the woman he's with is by watching the direction of his money.  Most men value their money, and they won't spend too much of it on a woman they feel is worthless.  Again, they'll let her take the majority of the responsibilities, and every now and again, they'll take on a few responsibilities for the sake of making her feel loved.
  • A woman who's with a man that doesn't love her is almost always on the defensive.  She has to defend her relationship; she has to defend her man's name, and she has to defend her own feelings.  So, she's always offended with friends, family, and anyone who can see what's going on in her relationship, and she's always defending her right to be with him.
  • A woman who settles for a man that doesn't love her is a woman who does not love herself.  She may proudly exclaim to the world that she's loved.  She'll mentally record and verbally announce almost everything her beau does that makes her feel loved.  For example, she will proudly tell anyone who's against her relationship about her beau's jealousy.  After all, she's starved of love, so seeing him be jealous over her makes her feel loved, and she'll talk about his jealousy for the days, weeks and years to come.  The great thing is, some women come to love themselves while in the midst of such relationships, and when they do, they exit those relationships with haste.  That's why a man who's with a woman who doesn't love herself will go to great lengths to make sure that she never loves herself.  For example, if she gets her hair styled, he'll intentionally mess up her hair.  If she buys new clothes, he'll destroy her new clothes.  He'll separate her from the people who truly love her, and he'll always do whatever he can to make her feel as if she's lucky to have him.
  • A man who does not love GOD cannot love you.  GOD set up an order, and when this order is followed, love is perfect, even though the people in it aren't.  That order is: A man must seek first the Kingdom of GOD, and all its righteousness, and everything else will be added to him.  This establishes his relationship with GOD and helps him to love GOD at a deeper level.  This also helps him to find his purpose, love himself and love others with a love that goes beyond the natural realm (agape).  Finally, when he finds his wife, he must love her as he loves himself.  A man who does not love himself will treat his wife far worse than he treats himself. 

When love is not present, people get hurt because they give away the most valuable possessions that they have (time, their bodies, their souls, money) for something they could have gotten freely had they simply stayed in the will of GOD.   All the same, some women attempt to buy their lovers' affection by doing all they feel they need to do to show themselves as good women.  They do this because they want to believe that someday, the men they're paying for will eventually realize just how much they've done for them, and will grow to love them.  This isn't true.  A man will never love a woman more than she loves herself.  If a man is with a woman who suddenly begins to love herself, he'll attempt to tear her down, devalue her, or deform her.  If none of these efforts work, he will leave her, or in some cases, he'll kill her.  He wants her to stay low in her mind so that she will never realize her worth, because if she does, she'll stop paying to have him around.

What about you?  How much did your man cost you?  Did you have to fornicate with him just to feel loved by him?  Did you have to give up your faithful relationship with GOD to have an unfaithful man?  Did you have to buy him a car, provide housing for him, or buy him a new wardrobe?  Did you have to allow him to beat on you to make himself feel better about the struggles he's endured that day, or over the course of his life?  As you can see, you don't have to have money to pay for a man; some women give up their children to family members to keep the men in their lives.  Some women allow their daughters (and sometimes sons) to be molested just so they can hold on to the men in their lives.  Some women are used as nothing more than decoys: Fake wives who stand in while their men wait for their real wives to come on the scene.  And the worst one is: Some women will spend an eternity in hell simply because they looked for love in the devil's eyes, when GOD has told us all along that HE (the LORD) is love.
1 John 4:8: Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

If you don't let GOD change your mind, you will end up paying for love, and the worst part is, you'll receive lust in return.  Lust and obsession mimic the behaviors of love, but are demonic in nature.  They are generic forms of love, but love gives life; whereas, sin brings death.  GOD loves you, and HE wants to prove this to you, but you need to have a relationship with HIM.  You need to get to know HIM better, and as you get to know and love HIM, you'll find yourself feeling (and being) complete to the point where you'll know your worth.  You'll then refuse to pay for love, because you'll understand that you are your husband's crown, and he's had to pay a pretty hefty price for your hand in marriage (trials, tribulations, a changed mind, disassociation from family members, etc.).  A man who has not paid the price for his GOD-ordained wife is a man who cannot afford to have her because he would not know how to love, respect or lead her.

If you are in a relationship where you're not loved, but you don't want to leave right now, my advice to you is to simply get to know GOD better.  Read your Bible daily, go to the sanctuary often, and start pulling away from the friends in your life who support your lifestyle.  Also, be sure to pray for GOD'S protection, because the enemy does not like to see a soul slipping from his grasp.  If he can, he'll try to take your life, sometimes, even using the man you've chosen for yourself.  If you have the strength and will to leave, do so.  Know this: The average woman will NEVER know what it's like to be loved by a man, but you're better than average.  You just need to know your worth so that you'll stop giving yourself away to men who know how to uncover you (both physically and spiritually), but have no knowledge or desire to cover you spiritually.  You are priceless to GOD, and to prove it, HE paid the ultimate price for you: HE gave HIS one and only begotten Son for you.  This is to show that you are invaluable to HIM, and if you let HIM change your mind, HE will send you a man after HIS own heart; a man who will love you, respect you and provide for you: A man who's paid the ultimate price for you: He died to himself and was born again for the chance to spend his life with you and his forever with the LORD.

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