Thursday, October 16, 2014

The Celibate Fornicator

When I recorded the message The Reason For the Wait, I had no idea what GOD would use me to say.  As with most of the messages I record, I had a few pointers I wanted to share, but I knew that GOD would give me what to say as I spoke, and that HE did.
When those words "celibate fornicator" escaped my lips, I wanted to pause and dissect what I'd just spoken.  It was powerful and revelatory, and even though I wanted to elaborate further on what a celibate fornicator was, I had to continue with the original message.  Needless to say, a lot of women were impacted by that term and wanted me to delve deeper into it.

What is a celibate fornicator?  First off, let's define the word "celibacy".  According to The Free Dictionary, celibacy has two meanings:
1. Abstinence from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows.
2. The condition of being unmarried.
Celibacy means to be purposely abstinent, and in some cases, it is a vow to remain unmarried and abstinent; especially with Catholic priests.  Nevertheless,the words "celibate" and "abstinent" are similar, but not quite the same.  
Celibacy is usually affiliated with religious abstinence; whereas, the word "abstinent" simply means to refrain from.  You can abstain from eating certain foods, watching certain movies, or hanging with your friends; therefore, the word "abstinence" isn't just tied to sex.  Celibacy implies that the reason one is abstinent is to honor a religious doctrine, or in our cases, the WORD of GOD.
Of course, we've heard that a fornicator is a person who indulges in premarital sex.  Here's the thing.  There's no such thing as premarital sex.  How so?  The minute you have sex, you become one with the person you've had sex with; meaning, the two of you shall be one, or in other words, you become a married woman.  What makes your marriage illegal and considered to be fornication is:
1. GOD is not the head of that union; you are.
2. GOD was not invited to that wedding, and since it was established on the foundation of sin, it was established as a marriage against GOD and not for HIM.
3. GOD said that we are to submit our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to HIM, and that is our reasonable service.  Now, when we submit our bodies to sin, we are submitting our bodies to another god: ourselves, and the men we're lying with.  This means that the blood shed through sex becomes nothing less than a sacrificial offering to whatever and whomever we're submitting ourselves to, and whatever we're lying on becomes our altars.  Needless to say, the marriages are still "established", but they are not established in righteousness; they were established in sin.
In short, to fornicate means to illegally wed another human being through the act of sex; it is to unite yourself with another person without GOD being the third-fold cord in that union.  It is to establish a covenant with another person without GOD being a witness.  To fornicate means to enter a perverted marriage, and of course, the word "perverted" doesn't always mean that one is sexually twisted.  Perversion means to think or use one's body in a way that goes against its original design.  For example, GOD created the mouth to speak good things (blessings, testimonies, prayers), but when we gossip or slander others, we have perverted the use of our mouths.

So, what is a celibate fornicator?  A celibate fornicator, as it pertains to women, is a woman who declares abstinence with her mouth, but inwardly, she has not completely divorced fornication.  She is still married to the idea of fornication; therefore, if she were to come across a man that she felt was worthy of her body, she'd fornicate with him.  In other words, a celibate fornicator refrains from having sex with men who are on a certain level (spiritually or financially).  She's simply given up on a certain type of men, but she hasn't truly denounced fornication.

One of the things I've noticed is that a lot of women in the church still lust after men like Morris Chestnut, Idris Elba, and Shemar Moore.  Most believing women would fornicate with these men, or if not those men in particular, there are some men in this earth that they'd willfully fornicate with.  Why is that?  It's because they have not truly sworn off sex before marriage; instead, they've sworn off sex before marriage with the men the enemy normally sends after them.  You see, there is a difference between being truly celibate as opposed to withholding sex from a certain type of men.  When we give ourselves to GOD, there shouldn't be any man on this earth (or anywhere else, for that matter) that we'd be willing to sin against GOD to have.  If there is a man out there that you'd be willing to sin for, you're not truly celibate; you're simply abstaining from having sex with low-flying men.  This means that the enemy must send a man your way that you feel is worth the fall.  In other words, GOD is still not the head of your life.  When you're truly celibate and waiting on GOD for your husband, you will know in your heart of hearts that there is absolutely no man on this earth that you'd sin against GOD for...period.  It doesn't matter how wealthy or handsome he is; your love for GOD will supersede your cares of the world.
Mark 4:18-19: And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word, And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.

In short, we have to be all the way in or we're not in at all.  We can't fake righteousness with GOD; after all, HE doesn't take our words at face value.  GOD compares what we say with the contents of our hearts, and if they don't match, we are declared liars.  We have to stop lying to ourselves and destroy each and every idol in our lives before we can truly say that we are not only abstinent, but we're celibate...not because we want a husband, but because we love and fear the LORD.

Today, ask yourself if there is a man that you'd be willing to sin against GOD for, and be truthful with yourself.  If you find that there is someone that you'd sin against GOD for, go to the altar of GOD and denounce idolatry.  Idolatry is spiritual adultery.  It means that you have cheated on GOD with another god.  Remember, even if a man looks upon a woman and lusts after her, he has committed adultery in his heart.  Idolatry works the same way.  If you are willing to go against GOD for any reason or any person, you have committed idolatry in your heart.
If you really want GOD to give you HIS signature of approval, and to endorse your marriage, you have to be completely sold-out for HIM.  There shouldn't be anything or anyone on earth that has enough of a pull on you that you'd be willing to go against GOD for.

What if that woman's you?  What if you are a celibate fornicator?  What could you do to finally and wholly get in the will of GOD?
1. Get to know GOD better, and you do this by searching, studying and meditating on HIS WORD.  Read the Bible daily.  Create a schedule for reading the Bible, and if you can, read it multiple times daily.  You can read it before bed, when you wake up or whatever time's more suitable for you.  Pray everyday...several times a day.  Prayer is not a religious ritual; it is our communication with GOD.  Talk to GOD about everything and everyone in your life.  Ask HIM what HE wants you to do.
2. Don't give up.  You're human, and until you get enough WORD in you, you'll likely notice that your flesh is stronger than your desire to please GOD.  If you fall, get back up again and let the WORD into your heart until that sin is evicted.
3. Remember: Celebrities are "celebrated people."  They are human beings who've been idolized by the world.  In many cases, they are widely known idols, or idols that have large numbers of followers.  They are temples, just as we are temples; therefore, their followers are people who've followed their "ministries".  Do NOT allow yourself to even submit to the idea of sinning with a celeb or rank anyone above GOD.  Anyone you rank (in your mind) as being above GOD is someone you'd be willing to sin with.


  1. This is awesome!! Just awesome!!

  2. I think also and what spoke to me as a virgin (physically) is a mind set that is overly focused on the sexual relationship you hope to have with your husband and how you lust after the opposite sex. Men were gorgeously created in the image of God by God but as mature women we need to look for a man whose heart is right and seeking after God! That should be what gives us that fire feeling not just the physical. That mature mindset does not allow us to solely be "excited" by good looks. Trust me an ugly heart and soul makes a good looking man worthless.

  3. When I watched your video and heard that term, it not only convicted me but other persons came to mind. Unfortunately I was this way and have repented, thank God for his forgiveness and unconditional love.

  4. Very well illustrated and introspective.

  5. Deep! Deep! Deep!
    Thank you Tiff!

  6. Wow! This spoke volumes to me! Thank you! Years later your article still has an impact and encourages me to get myself together!

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  8. Wow, this one entered my soul. Thanks for writing this. My mind is enlightened the more