Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Marrying For Sex

A lot of Christian women get married just to have legal sex with their love interests, and while I could argue that this is a bad thing, it isn't exactly illegal (a sin) to GOD.
1 Corinthians 7:9: But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

What did the Apostle Paul mean by saying that it is better to marry than to burn?  To burn means to burn with lust: an almost unquenchable desire to have sex.
But why would the good Apostle send believers towards the altar of marriage without first redirecting them to the altar for deliverance?  After all, not being able to abstain from sex is a strongman that should be broken before any believer even considers marriage.

The truth is: GOD loves us, and HE knows that despite HIS best efforts, some people will not approach the altar for deliverance.  Instead, they will embrace salvation, and attempt to live decent lives, but they won't seek to know GOD outside of a religious relationship with HIM.  In other words, their worship, praise and lifestyles will be repetitious attempts to stay in the will of GOD without having to seek a deeper knowledge of HIM.  Nevertheless, GOD still loves them, and HE wants to spend eternity with them.  Because of HIS love for us, GOD doesn't require us to go through an almost impossible obstacle course to reach salvation.  Instead, HE sent HIS Son, JESUS CHRIST to die for our sins, and all we have to do is confess JESUS CHRIST as our LORD and SAVIOR.  Of course, we must believe our confession, and we acknowledge that we believe the confession of our lips by attempting to live lives that reflect our faith in HIM.
For this reason, GOD made life a lot easier than we make it out to be.  HE provided a way of escape for anyone who's struggling to remain abstinent, and that way of escape is marriage.

It goes without saying, however, that GOD prefers that we get delivered before we get married.  Why is this?  Why isn't it a wise move to get married first, and seek deliverance later?  Because GOD told us to seek ye first the Kingdom of GOD and all its righteousness, and in doing so, HE said everything else would be added to us.  When you seek the creation before you seek the CREATOR, you'll end up creating a mess of a life for yourself.
Below, you'll find 10 reasons why you should wait:
  1. Whatever you are, you will attract to yourself.  Birds aren't attracted to bears, nor are alligators attracted to bunny rabbits.  So, whatever state of mind you're in, you will attract men who are in that same state.  In other words, if you are led by your flesh, you will end up marrying a guy who's led by his flesh as well.  Lustful men don't make for good husbands....at all.
  2. There may be more to that burn Oftentimes, when a person struggles with lust, they are struggling with other strongholds.  Lust may simply be one of the manifestations; it could be a response to a strongman that's holding your heart captive.  For example, a woman who's been abandoned by her father and mistreated by men may wrestle with lust, but not because she's obsessed with sex.  Oftentimes, it's because she's addicted to feeling loved.  Sex is intimate, and she may find herself addicted to the intimacy part, and not so much the sex itself.  So, if you're struggling with abandonment issues, for example, those issues need to be addressed so that you can cast down the strongman of lust.
  3. The average sexual encounter lasts 5-30 minutes, and the average couple has sex one to two times a week.  This means that you'll be spending the majority of that marriage standing on your feet or sitting down, having to have an actual conversation with the man you've chosen for yourself.  Most marriages established on the foundation of "burning" fail within the first three years of marriage.  That's because the honeymoon eventually ends and the couple has to sit down and actually get to know each other....Ouch.
  4. How you feel about your spouse will affect your sex drive.  Let's go back to the previous point: You'll be spending most of your time standing up; that is, unless you're sleeping.  So, when you're having to get to know your spouse, you'll likely find quite a few flaws in your spouse that turns your stomach.  Ordinarily, this wouldn't be so dangerous if the foundation of your marriage was love, but if sex (or the desire to have sex), is the foundation of your marriage, you won't have anything to stand on when problems arise.  This means you'll be turned off quite a bit, and your decision not to have sex with your lust-filled spouse will likely result in him cooling down elsewhere.
  5. Your testimony would suck.  Telling people that you got married because you needed someone to legally hump doesn't make for good conversation or testimony.  One of the rites of passage that couples enjoy is sharing their love stories with other couples.  How beautiful and romantic it is to hear a couple who's been married for decades talk about the first time they'd laid eyes on each other, and the moment they'd realized that they were one anothers' spouses.  Imagine this: You're on a romantic cruise with your oversexed husband, and your mind is racing as the strangers sitting at your dinner table shares their almost perfect love stories.  Now, it's your time to testify.  Should you lie, or would it be okay to tell them that you married your husband because you wanted the license to hump him?
  6. You could possibly miss out on your future husband for the chance to marry your future ex-husband.  You could miss out on the opportunity (and the blessing) to meet and marry your GOD-appointed spouse; the man who GOD not only picked out for you personally, but the man whose rib you are, for the chance to marry some anatomically correct guy who's in need of major deliverance.  If the husband GOD has for you is a powerful, GOD-fearing, anointed and appointed leader, GOD has to do a major work in you to prepare you for that man.  If you refuse to let GOD dress you with wisdom, knowledge and understanding for the husband HE has for you, you'll end up having a quickie wedding, followed by a quickie divorce to some powerless, self-seeking man who sees you as nothing more than a blow-up doll that talks back.
  7. Two undelivered souls don't make for good spouses.  Sure, marriage is fun at first.  There's the honeymoon stage, and then, there's the planning.  For a whole month, everything seems perfect.  Then, one day, you begin to settle into your lives together, and that's when your strongmen meet and they don't get along as good as you and your husband were getting along.  You argue too much, and he's obsessed with sex and video games.  Before you know it, divorce starts looking better than your husband.
  8. You can't build a house of love on a foundation of lust.  Sure, GOD gave us permission to marry if we cannot abstain from sex, but then again, HE also gave us some pretty clear guidelines about marriage and divorce.  You can't just go into a marriage, decide you don't like your husband and leave.  So, be prepared to endure, pray and endure some more.
  9. Can you handle being celibate in marriage?  What's worst than being unmarried and not having sex?  Being married and not having sex!  Marriage does not guarantee frequent sex, and many couples have found out the hard way that marriage requires a lot of work, and that work can drain you sexually.  For this reason, many married couples do not have sex frequently.
  10. The older you get, the less sex you'll have.  If you plan to grow old with the man you've chosen, you'd better have plenty of non-sexual conversations to keep him entertained.  Having mutual friends, and then talking about those mutual friends is not considered conversation; it's idle speech, and most men aren't too fond of gossip or gossipers.  Remember, as a man ages, he may become impotent, or his sex drive may drastically decline, and if you don't have a solid relationship with him, any change in your lifestyle may equate to divorce.
Why then would Apostle Paul suggest that believers get married rather than get delivered first?  It's simple.  A person who has trouble abstaining can and will oftentimes be a danger to the community.  Some men will go after the wives of other men; some men will rape women, some men will engage in gay sex, and some men will turn to pedophilia.  This means that the acts of that one man could devastate a community, but if that man were married to a woman like himself, he'd become his wife's problem, and not the people's problem.  All the same, some women who have trouble abstaining may turn to premarital sex, promiscuity, pedophilia or worse.  Again, such actions affect a community, and since like attracts like, why not just let the two of them (the undelivered man and the undelivered woman) have each other?  After all, they can still be delivered while married, but in the meantime, the community would be safe.

More than likely, you can wait.  You can wait on GOD for your GOD-appointed husband.  You don't have to have sex; you simply need to find out what's making you feel like you can't live without sex.  Again, sometimes, you'll find that the issue isn't that you struggle with sex; the issue may be that you are looking for love, and sex makes you feel loved.  In cases like this, you simply need to get to know GOD better, for GOD is love.
If you can help it, don't marry someone just to have legal sex.  Instead, if you are struggling with lust, take that strongman to the altar, and keep leaving him there time after time until you finally stop carrying him away from the altar with you.


  1. Good list! I have a quick question about #6 if this is a possibility for a person to marry the wrong one...what happens to their God chosen mate? Does God provide another for that person or are they destined to remain single Sorry maybe I should post this as a question for a future topic. I can elaborate further if you need me to

    1. Sorry for the late response. It is my belief that when a person marries the wrong person, they pretty much forfeit their spouses if they remain married to the wrong person. God will then bless the other spouse in waiting (if they are faithful to Him) with another person who's been faithful. If they have not been faithful to Him, of course, they too will end up married to the wrong person. But God can reserve two people for one another, and I believe that any marriage they enter will be such a struggle, they'll likely end up divorced. If both parties decide to be faithful to God, they will find their way to each other because the wife is her husband's rib and anytime she tries to fit into another man's life, both husband and wife will be miserable. Hope this answers your question :)